People Like Me Ruin Feminism

I guess I should give a summary on my thoughts on Shamballa

I came into into it knowing the basics of the plot and already very disgusted with the 2003 anime and knowing that Winry was gonna be left behind in this thing, so.

What I didn’t expect was how little sense Ed’s “sacrifice” of leaving Amnestris would make, or how blah it would feel. Like, it’s not like Ed ever acted like he wanted to go back to Amnestris in the first place. He’d never made any effort in that direction. As with the entire 2003 anime, it seemed the only person he valued at all was his brother. All the other people who had helped him weren’t a big deal. He didn’t ask about Winry when he first saw Al, he didn’t ask how his country was doing, or about Hawkeye or Mustang or Pinako or any of them. He clearly couldn’t care less.

As such, I’m not joking when I saw I’m genuinely glad this version of Ed didn’t stay in Amnestris. He’s clearly apathetic about everyone there. If he doesn’t care about Winry, he doesn’t deserve her help or affection. Seriously, Winry MADE HIM AUTOMAIL OFF OF GUESSWORK OF HOW TALL HE WOULD GET and CARRIED IT AROUND HER ENTIRE JOURNEY IN CASE SHE RAN INTO HIM. That is mega-thoughtfulness. And what does he do in thanks? Blows her off. Classy. Winry shouldn’t have to deal with a boy who so clearly doesn’t value her feelings. And Al also doesn’t seem to care about non-Ed personnel, he didn’t tell Winry anything of what he was doing or how he was looking for Ed, he apparently didn’t talk to her at all about anything, actually. So…yeah. Congratulations on losing those two millstones from around your neck, Winry. I hope you find someone who actually values your generosity, hard work, and affection.

There was no reason for Ed to go back to nazi Germany by the standards of the very plot the movie set up, which surprised me. Basically, he claimed it was to stop the nazis from coming to Amnestris, but the fact was the movie made it clear a portal needed to be open on BOTH sides for people to come through safely. So as long as the portal was destroyed on one side, Amnestris would be fine. What’s more, if any character in the movie besides Ed had agency (like say, Noah) Ed could have trusted them to destroy the portal on the other side. But he couldn’t, because everyone not-Ed was not heroic enough to do that shit. I guess Ed just wanted to go back to Germany because there was exciting violence going on there so he could have an oppurtunity to be heroic. Amestris has stabilized, so, no hero time there. And Al was self centered throughout the entire movie, only focused on his own dreams and getting his bro back, and Ed was like “no you have to care about stuff besides me” (because apparently Al needed to be told that wow) so what does Al do at the end? Ditch his country to be with his brother! Okay, no character development there, fine.

So yeah, I actually didn’t feel the ending was tragic at all? Though the movie was clearly going for that. The Elrics got what they wanted and Amnestris is probably better off without them. Happy happy. I just sort of find it hilarious they still tried to push the moral of “caring about other people” and “equivalent exchange” throughout all this, when the moral was clearly “care only about your brother” and “do whatever the fuck you want, alchemy makes no sense”. Like, Al gets his memories back when he goes to Germany because equivalent exchange. What? You mean he gets a reward for doing something he wanted to do? Okay. (I also like how running around getting nearly killed all the time in a body he couldn’t eat or sleep in was “the best years of his life”. Kay)

It’s a really big contrast to the manga, where the explicit point was that the brothers cared about everyone they had ever met and really valued to help they had recieved and realized their interactions with other people had made them who they are- AND they still cared immensely about each other. You can love someone a whole lot, and still love other people, was the point of the manga. All people are important. All. There’s room in people’s hearts for more than one person. And I could accept really self-centered protagonists and different interpretation of things, if this anime wasn’t always trying to convince me this self-centeredness was heroism. It’s not. Trying to pretend it is just…sours me on it. The two never developed much past being totally wrapped up in each other, and that’s that.

Lack of character development and character motivation was big problem in this movie. Wrath was completely different from the first anime, empathetic with other people and even managing to guess Al’s plan to bring his brother back, and actually caring about his biological mother. I suppose the only explanation for this is he changed in the intervening years, which is lazy. Nazi Hughes decides to save Noah, when he despises Roma, for no reason. And then apparently gives up being a Nazi? But there is nothing he learned that can account for this decision, no moment of epiphany, no event witnessed. He just did it. Because. And we’re just supposed to forgive him for this random decision? Forgive the fact he’s a racist who aided fucking Hitler? 

Alfons’s actions only make sense through the lens he had a one sided crush on Ed and was doing this bad stuff to get his attention, but then decided to help Ed out in a last second bid to get his beloved to notice him and make Ed happy.. “I’M REAL, YOU KNOW, NOT JUST A DREAM!” Then he died. Can’t say I felt much about this. Ed barely reacted too. It was just like “oh man that blows oh well.”

Poor Noah had it the worst though. I liked that the persecution of the Roma was acknowledged through her plight, since it so often isn’t, but everything else was just stereotypical and awful. She looked like Rose, and surprise surprise, she took on 2003 Rose’s basic role here. She was a constant victim to be saved by white people (and nazis) but also someone following *the wrong path* our hero could moralize at and be all superior to. The only time she had agency was when she was willing to sell out her entire world and work with goddamn nazis just so she could live in another world where she could not be persecuted (and how dumb was she to think the nazis would LET her do that?) And the only two other Roma with speaking lines in the film? Sold her out at the very beginning (and presumably the entire caravan was in on it). Nice subversion of stereotypes! And Noah never developed. I excpected her to at least have a realization what she was doing was wrong when he white savior told her that, but no, she never gave any indication of getting over her self-centeredness. She still wanted to go to the other world, she just didn’t get to, sob. 

Sooooo yeah. No point over here. I’m pretty baffled about how anyone could prefer this ending to the manga’s, the half-hearted doom and gloom not being to my taste aside, it just doesn’t make much thematic sense to me. That’s absolutely anyone’s right though, of course, and you don’t have to explain to me or anyone why you like it. I promise you I don’t mind and don’t need to hear it. This is just how I feel

“I have to go back to break the gate on their side”. Ed. Why? If you destroy the portal IN YOUR HOME DIMENSION, there’s absolutely no way for the nazis to enter. All you have to do is stay and destroy that portal. THIS IS THE MOST POINTLESS SACRIFICE EVER

“What about Winry?”

“When in this anime have I even cared about her”

actually he just says to tell her thanks. Yup. He’s not even going to say goodbye to her. Even though he totally could, it’s not like there’s a time limit. I think she’s probably better off without him.

Aaand now Noah got rescued by Nazi Hughes. Woooow.Yeah.

Al came with Ed because fuck Winry and Amnestris and everyone else who cares about them anyway, we need to make this totally pointless sacrifice. Seriously, they do not even need to do this I am so flummoxed. If it’s not open on the other side, no one can get through! Agh, they just wanted to be douches.

At least this music is nice

Scar and Lust expies are driving the car. Hi there.

“We’ve got to get the uranium bomb that came from the other side” Wait, when did the uranium bomb come over? How on earth did it get lost, did someone just run off with it? Did I miss that? Didn’t Ed blow it up at the beginning of the movie anyway? What?

We end with Winry chilling at her place fixing Den’s leg. Yeah, it’s really just as well, 2003 Ed and Al are such selfish pricks they don’t deserve Winry’s glorious presence and she doesn’t deserve to put up with their ungratefulness. JUST MARRY SHESKA, 2003 WINRY.

THE END.

Well, it made no sense and the characters were unlikeable, but I espected that. Some of the fight scenes were interesting to watch and music was pretty on occasion, that’s the best I can say. Now I’ve watched all 2003 has to offer. Except some dinky OVAs I guess.

“I know, Al, you were just trying to bring me back. For whatever reason, Wrath wanted to help.” Even Ed admits he doesn’t know why the hell Wrath would suddenly care about Al.

I like how Ed has to inform Al that like, thinking about something besides their own dreams is a thing they should do. AL HAD NEVER CONSIDERED THIS BEFORE apparently. Wow, did his character get thrown under a bus.

Roy: Sorry, Lieutenant, only room for one.

Riza: YOU LIAR

shoot him in the face, Riza! Poor girl didn’t get to do anything in this movie. Fuery and Havoc got as much screentime as her. Ouch.

Ed points out that attacking Amnestris makes no sense why are you even doing this villian lady? wow you noticed Ed! Then the lady is basically like “BECAUSE THE PLOT SAYS SO!” No seriously she’s like “I suddenly got all scared of this world and how it would conquer us when I came here and you’re all so different (she’s literally been here like two minutes flying on a plane, right? What did she even see of this world to make that conclusion) I just have to kill you all okay”.  

They are trying to make parallels to Hitler who destroyed those he feared and thought different or something, but it doesn’t work at all. Hitler worked from inside the system. He preyed on people’s fear and prejudices. He didn’t just storm in and blow ship up right off the bat. First he had to manipulate the masses to get behind him. He was evil, a monster, hateful, one of the worst people who ever existed in the history of everything, but he was smart about getiting away with the awful shit he was doing at first. But this lady is incompetent and dumb as hell, how are we supposed to take her seriously at all?

“Now I understand the kind of person you are!” Ed, she’s a Nazi who showed you before she kills for fun. It took this speech for you to get she’s a bad person?

I thought the video froze but it turned out to be a really awkward pause.

“Alchemy can give us all sorts of abilities. This is one of mine.” That’s Al’s only explanation for why he can make Horcruxes. BECAUSE. How does that follow any principal of alchemy at all.

and so Al kills two homunculi. Because Wrath asked him to. Remember how in the manga the brothers refused to have anyone else die on their account, no matter what? Fma 2003 elric brothers have sacrificed at least ten billion lives (if you count all the philosiphers stones they’ve gladly used) for their own selfish happiness at this point. What herooooesssss.

Wow, so…naked Izumi and Wrath hugging. Wrath is burying his face in his Mom’s naked boobs. Kay.

this movie sure likes its’ gore. Bye 2003 Hohenheim no one misses you.

So um, why did villian lady shoot her coworker? Just because she’s evil? Okay.

“so now do you believe in space aliens” “don’t start that again” Sheska and Winry continue to be the only good part of this anime.

“Same old Ed. You’re not going into battle with that arm and leg”

“They’re great! But I’m not sure if they’ll fit me, I’ve grown, you know…”

“Who do you think you’re dealing with here?”

Winry <3. Nothing can keep her fabness down even this anime.

Apparently everyone forgives Roy for abandoning them for no reason and he can come in and bark orders despite the fact he’s been gone forever and has no idea what’s what.

guys I really like how all the villians in the manga had at least some depth and compelling stuff going on, you know…Kimblee had his weird moral code, Pride and Wrath had affection for their families, Father was clearly pretty subtly envious of humans and craving a family of his own, had that Faustian thirst for knowledge and true inability to comprhend why valuing that aboive all else was wrong, and occasionally showed this weird affection for Hohenheim (remember how he smiled and patted Ed’s head, and asked after Hohenhiem “he has kids omg wow this is awesome why aren’t you named after him hey I picked that name :(” oh you), Lust and Gluttony had their comradery, Envy was all pitiable at the end- 

i’m just saying that because wow do I miss it when I watch this anime, where most of the villians are one-dimensional as hell. This villian lady is so one dimnesionally evil and uninteresting I can’t even remember her name.

Oh no a bloody teddy bear means random child death 

“YOU CAN’T BRING BACK THE DEAD AL” except you can they’ll just get superpowers or maybe you’ll get sent to another dimension, show, really, give it up. You killed that moral ages ago, you can’t resurrect it like you resurrect everything else.

I think Gluttony is supposed to be scary but he just reminds me of the Pillsbury doughboy crossed with an octopus

okay now that he’s got screaming headthings and gushing pink blood he’s creepy gross.

Al you could, you know, help Wrath fight this thing instead of standing there staring

I’ll admit the fight scenes pretty well done. Except for the part where Al is basically letting Wrath get killed. Our hero! Wrath finally, as he dies, is like “transmute us” and Al’s like “okay can we have an in depth conversation expositing about this first, I’m really sort of lazy. I want to put off actually doing something as much as possible”.

“I know you were going to give your own life to bring your brother back” Wow, AL IS DETERMINED TO WIN THAT GAME OF SELF-SACRIFICE PING PONG. Lets go through the inanity of this: Al gave his life to bring Ed back (and somehow that worked), so then Ed just gave his life to bring Al back (and somehow not only did that work, Ed survived it) and now Al planned to give his life JUST to transport his brother back to his home dimension, meaning Ed would inevitably sacrifice himself again and then Al would and then Ed would- IT’S A GOOD THING WRATH STEPPED IN OR THIS SHIT WOULD HAVE NEVER STOPPED. Can you imagine the constant pointless more-hero-than-thou cycle.

why the hell does Wrath care about Al and people dying when he wanted to kill them all before? No explanation.

“The fuhrer plans to loose his stormtroopers” 

I always forget stormtroopers are a real thing, so I was imagining Star Wars with nazis. DON’T WORRY THEY ALL HAVE TERRIBLE AIM, we’ll be fine.

Wow alternate Al you are jerk beyond question. I get you’re dying and all, but you know you’re working for people who are going to start a GENOCIDAL WAR and you just want to finish your rocket so you can have proof you lived in the world.Yeah, let’s let your legacy be a swath of destruction, nifty.

yay for Winry and Sheska hanging out.

nazi hughes continues to be a nazi i can’t get over this whyyyyyyy diiiid you doooo this it’s so fucking wrong poor hughes guy already died then they make his alternate self a nazi in this horrible anime

why is Noah (Rose expy) working with the nazis there’s alternate dimension this decision would make sense (can’t see the nazis deigning to work with someone Roma regardless of if they need her, anyway)

So is there any explanation at all for Wrath being on the good side now? Or why he stopped aging, since he clearly must have aged before or he wouldn’t have grown from being Izumi’s baby to a little kid?

since when can Ed fly an airplanethey don’t even have those where he comes from I guess he must have learned it in the intervening four years how convienient

howwww the fuck did Ed survive jumping OUT OF AN AIRPLANE LIKE 100 FEET ABOVE THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW AND THEN WHAT LOOKS LIKE FIFTY FEET TO THE FLOOR WITH NO PROTECTION ED IS NOT SUPERMAN my suspension of disbelief just snapped surely there was a safer way to enter

Now Ed is lecturing Noah on the values of her own people “I thought the Romas were proud of their ways blablabla you sellout” seriously wow you are the worst movie. And Noah just wants to SELL OUT THE ENTIRE WORLD AND ALL OF HER PEOPLE AND AIDING PEOLE WHO WANT TO KILL HER ENTIRE FUCKING RACE IN CONCENTRATION CAMPS so she can live in another world and save her own skin. And Ed, our perfect hero, gets to preach to her about how she’s wrong cuz yeah, this white guy is the person to inspire these other races against the nazis, not like they would want to fight the nazis of their own accord because YOU KNOW FUCKING NAZIS. It was the same with Jewish Bradley expy, he didn’t give a shit about saving the world from the nazis (which is really unbelievable, considering he would be the one getting thrown into a concentration camp by them) until Ed yelled at him. Jews and Roma need Edward Elric to get them to fight for their own people. fuck. this.

Yeah how the hell is the representation of Roma people in this movie and of like, everything not problematic as hell. I mean I own being incredibly privileged and ignorant here, but even I can see this is utter bullshit.

Hi Sheska!

wow these cgi robots are awkward as heck

“I transferred a portions of my soul into the armor I touched!”

“…a portion of your soul?”

“for some reason it just comes naturally to me!”

NO BIG DEAL AL IS JUST MAKING HORCRUXES NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT

Jump into a random portal good plan Al 

Thank God Rose was there to be sensible and yank the hyperactive thirteen year old away from the glowing armor. Yay for Rose actually doing stuff! Maybe she siphoned all her bad writing to her Roma counterpart?

something something issue of Superman whoa wait is it even 1939 over there? maybe I misheard…

yeah Ed just start messing with transmutation circles you don’t know about that always worked well for you in the past

so by convenient coincidence Ed just happens to decide to complete and get his blood on the transmutation circle so it opens. What…were they planning to do if that improbable chain of events hadn’t happened?

AL NEARLY CRUSHING ED TO DEATH IN HUGS IS ALWAYS CUTE NO MATTER WHAT. Also “hey you’re taller now” “WHAT YOU STILL THOUGHT I’D BE A RUNT WHEN I’M EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD” and he smacks his head off. Napoleon complex > being surprised or elated your brother you’ve been seperated from for four years randomly showed up in the alternate universe you’re trapped in.

“you haven’t changed at all, still getting into trouble” “WHERE ARE WE GOING” Wow Al is so adorbs no matter what in all forms. BUT WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE.

First you kill Winry’s parents, then you hang up on her. YER THE CLASSIEST, ROY.

“I met him in the Empire of Japan. This thesis is the island had success because it was made up of a single race” at first I was like UM but then they turned around and criticized that idea. Ed was like “YEAH I’LL PASS”. Good for you on that then, movie.

“It’s a legend in the Orient” IIIII have a feeling the Japanese sub didn’t say that. Though I guess it would make sense for a WWII era European to use that word.

Hitler cameooooo

“My wife is fanatical believer of Hitler” Wow considering you are Jewish that must make the relationship awkward.

“The Nazis have asked me to work with them many time” The Nazis. Asking an openly Jewish person to work WITH them.YEAH DON’T SEE THAT HAPPENING. Even if it is to exploit and discard him. 

With all this Nazis doing mystical shit with ancient artifacts going on, I keep expecting Captain America to burst in. Superman should also come, since they mentioned him.

Okay it’s late, I’m and hour in and tired of this. I’ll finish tomorrow. 

Oh hi Envy you sound inexplicably seductive as always and are now a basilisk. NEAT.

Envy’s sure reacting to bullets here a lot more than he ever did before. Can’t he regenerate?

THE EQUALISTS ARE COMING TO RESCUE ED. no seriously, exact same masks.

This lady has mad eighties shoulder pads

And then Envy ate Hohenheim. Well that came out of nowhere where even are they both. “HI SON ARE YOU STILL MAD ABOUT HOW I LEFT YOU DON’T WORRY I DO IT TO EVERY-ARGHHALKKKK”

Roy has decided to become a depressed hermit in the snow. He insists this will help his country somehow. Okay. “Maybe Lieutenant Hawkeye should have come too” Of course, she would have shot him in the back two miinutes in out of sheer annoyance, so maybe not.

“Besides the Lieutenant isn’t the one he’s waiting for”. Roy/Ed > Roy/Riza according to this anime. I guess now I know why so many ship them.

Hi Winry! Nice jacket. Oh yeah Izumi’s dead in this movie hahaha fuck that.

ARMSTRONG INVASION. That giant billboard of Armstrong flexing. Only good part of this movie so far. 

Hi Rose. HEY ROSE GOT TO SPEAK WORDS OF HER OWN DEVISING THAT’S NEW.

“he’s making tornadoes! With Alchemy!” AL: THE LAST AIRBENDER. 

“well then what do you call yourselves”

“Roma”

Yay for that, still pissed otherwise

oh no the Bradleymobile!

“look at you all! Blonde hair, blue eyes! You are the model of the ancient Aryan race!” This is awkward. Al expy, why wouldn’t you run as soon as he said that, are you down for genocide or something? It’s a good thing the 2003 anime forgot Al was supposed to have gold eyes or that wouldn’t have worked. “Blonde hair blue-wait, what the fuck, are that kid’s eyes yellow?” 

So Hughes is a nazi and Bradley is Jewish. Well this is an interesting turn of events.

whoa this movie is racist while trying to criticize racism how nice

(Trigger warning racial slurs)

actually it’s pretty rare to see a Japanese movie overtly criticizing you know, the side their country was on in WWII, so at least that’s new and good? Of course, the manga had Arakawa also criticizing the actions of her own country in wars as well.

“The name gypsy came from a myth we spread we were fortune tellers from egypt” says expy Rose

no it did not I’m pretty sure it was a slur made up by not-Roma who assumed they were from egypt what the fuck movie. Wait let mE look it up, I know I reblogged a post on my tumblr where a Roma person talked about it

well I can’t find it but even Wikipedia says it is an exonym meaning  A name given to a group or category of people by a secondary person or persons other than the people it refers to.

Seriously why on earth would a race lie about their country of origin? Doesn’t it make MUCH MORE SENSE OTHER RACES WOULD STEREOTYPE THEM AS FROM THE WRONG COUNTRY? BECAUSE THAT HAS HAPPENED OVER AND OVER AGAIN? While criticizing the automatic assumption all Roma are liars, you then go an innacurately shill the stereotype yourself. Not to mention the fact they had expy Roses fellow-Romani friends lie to her and sell her out. WAY TO WALK THE WALK MOVIE. DO SOME GODDAMN RESEARCH.